Radical Self Care

Self care is not what we’ve been sold.

We do not do self care to make ourselves into better humans, or so that we have more to give. We do it simply because we are worth taking care of.

We are often urged to do self care because an empty pot fills no cups, as if the only reason for caring for ourselves is so that we can be more for other people.

But self care is more radical than this. It is looking after yourself because you are thing of great beauty and intrinsic value. You are worth taking care of before you even get up in the morning, or do anything for anyone. Your value is not to be measured by how much you have to give, any more than a tree’s value is how much shade it gives on a hot day.

You care for your beloveds because you love them and you want them to be well, not so that they will have more to give, or be better humans. Now do this for yourself.

Care for yourself truly. It is good for you and you too have needs that want to be met. Do it with joy and without needing to explain it to anyone else.

See what happens then in your one beautiful life.

How to Feel Safe

Humans have been negotiating with the idea of safety for as long as we’ve been human. Being able to plan, communicate and control life more than any other living creature, the viccissitudes of life trouble us: we’d like to be able to control them too.

Perhaps it is only the yogis and the Buddhists who tell us the truth: life is random and sorrows will come no matter what you do to fend them off or how much you deny their existence. Knees are grazed, tears fall.

Better than seeking to control the uncontrollable, let us learn how to be comfortable with discomfort, calm in the face of trials, accepting when things go wrong. Let us learn how to feel safe in our own skin, confident that we will be able to cope, let us teach our families how to be resilient, not afraid.

It is trite to say that there is a lesson in everything (tell that to the grieving mother), but there is wisdom to be gained from the dark places, wisdom and growing compassion for others in trouble, this we know.

This work, the work of remaining calm and accepting, open and trusting requires us to let go of old hurts and sorrows. Failing once is not your sign never to try again. Losing once is not your sign to hold on more tightly to what is left. The work is ongoing, because the challenges are ongoing - every day a reason to close off, every day therefore a reason to practice staying open.

Tat Tvam Asi the yogis tell us, everything is connected. There is more to this world than any human can ever understand, so stop trying to work out how to control it all and try learning how to live in peace instead.

Calm Amidst the Storm

Hello,

Nobody seems to be able to tell us exactly why we spend so much of our time in a stressed state, but stress is reaching epidemic proportions, particularly in the younger generations.

It could be the effects of social media, it could be that we hear too much in these days of 24 hour news updates about all the sadness in the world. Certainly our desire to control everything plays its part: if we constantly seek safety, worry about the safety of our loved ones, manipulate this and that to try to create the perfect conditions for life, then we are going to end up stressed and tired.

The yogis of old were correct in their teachings that acceptance leads to peace. We don’t always get to know what is going to happen before it happens, and seeking to control what happens, how people will react to what happens, saving people from the reactions of other people when something happens is a fruitless waste of energy. What will be will be.

This is where practice comes in. If you can stay calm when the world goes to hell in a hand cart, then you have changed your entire experience of life.

What’s more, if you can stay centred when difficult times come, then you become a beacon, a safe place for others less adept at holding their peace, to come and feel more calm.

Lastly, if you can hold your calm centre in the face of challenge, you begin to teach your children how to do the same.

Understand that this is not some otherworldly preternatural state of never feeling anxious, you have not failed if you experience stress. Everybody gets stressed, everybody feels sad. This is not failure, it is just how life is.

The trick is knowing how to stay connected to your inner peace during these times - the world buffets you around like a boat on stormy seas, your practice keeps you afloat, lets you bob upon the waves rather than sinking beneath the deluge.

You can’t change or manipulate what happens in life - there is no rule book you can follow that will save you from the fact of loss, sadness, illness and pain. But you can change the way you respond to it. And that inner shift changes everything for the better.

Love,
Sarah x